Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I Will Yet Praise You My God!

"I will yet praise you my God... for my struggles are in your hands." (Carrie & Beaty Bass song lyrics that have totally been speaking to me today!)

Yesterday I hit the lowest point in my whole life - I couldn't even pray. I just didn't have the words. Amanda took such good care of me as I sobbed in her arms. She and Katherine cried with me. We made cookies and Meredith bought me a sweet "cheer me up"present and card. When I went to bed last night I could truly feel God's arms around me... it was so calming.

I didn't go to class this morning - partly because I have a horrible cold and didn't want to get out of bed and partly because I needed "me" time. It was totally what I needed. Class - my 3 exams and 2 papers due this week - school - none of it is important to me right now. What is important is taking care of myself and not letting myself get to the point I got yesterday afternoon - ever, ever again.

A funny thing (kinda) happened last night. I was laying on my bed thinking about school and life and family and stress and everything in my life that has happened in such a short time. I was thinking about how I was losing control. About how I had lost control. Of my life, of my emotions, of everything. Everything was out of control. And then God chuckled and said, "She thought she was in control."

Yesterday, I was standing in the snow (yes, it was snowing at 12 o'clock) and for the first time in my life I saw that the snowflakes actually look like snowflakes! Itty bitty, tiny, miniature snowflakes. (I wish I had a picture!) Some were clustered together and some were individual, but each of them were perfectly shaped and no two were alike. As I stood there looking at the snow falling on my coat and all around me I thought about how God created each and every snowflake - millions falling around me. He pays attention to the tiny, insignificant details. Surely he is in control of the big things if he can do that!

I had dinner tonight with a wonderful friend, Holli. As a sister in Christ, she was such a blessing and the Lord was so speaking to me tonight through her.

In this low time of my life, I can totally see God at work. He has masterfully put the right people in my life at the right moments and He knows my heart even when I don't have words to pray!

Praise the Lord for He is GOOD! "I will yet praise you my God...." !!!

God Bless! Thank you for the prayers for me and my family!

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